Stan Lee's Guide to Creative Insults

Or, who says comics aren't educational?  Stan seemed to have an inexhaustible thesaurus of put-downs, aspersions and invectives:

I can tell you for a fact that was the first time I ever heard the word "dolt", and it was certainly a useful addition to a teenager's vocabulary.

Clod was not unknown to me, but prefaced with "worthless, insufferable" really makes it work as a taunt.

Okay, so maybe he overused "insufferable".  But did you know that an escutcheon is the shield on which a coat of arms is displayed?  It can also be the distribution of pubic hair (!) although I doubt that's what Stan meant in this case.

Doom, of course, was the Doctor of Disdain, the Sultan of Scorn, the Ottoman of Opprobrium.  But many other villains mastered the alliteration of aspersion as well:

However, that's not to say that the Marvel heroes were incapable of creative contumely:

I'm looking around for an example of my personal favorite insult; "costumed cretin" but not finding it quickly.  Anybody?  Anybody?  Bueller?

Update: Another classic, courtesy of Flodo:

Update II: Costumed cretin as mentioned by an anonymous commenter, from Avengers Annual #1:

Superheroes #4

As the 1960s wore on, the superhero craze showed no signs of abating. DC, the only comic publishing company that had never ceased publishing superhero comics, nearly doubled their output of the men in capes and cowls from about 25% of their books in the 1950s to about 45% in the 1960s. Marvel, which had no superhero titles from about 1955-1961, suddenly was swarming with amazingly-powered characters.

And then came Batmania, and it seemed like nothing sold except superhero titles. So Dell, which had only made a few half-hearted attempts at the genre, leapt in with this rather lame effort. Even the comic's title seems generic: Superheroes. "A Fantastic Transformation into Reality?" And the Fab 4 were the Beatles.

We quickly learn that four "teeners" are able to control a quartet of super-powered androids. One guy can receive radio waves; a very useful ability. Of course, you could just bring along a portable radio instead. Another guy has built-in radar, which proves handy considering that the story is about a bomber plane from SAC (Strategic Air Command) being hijacked by hypnotic command. Polymer Polly can fly and create strands of polymer from her body, while Crispy can shoot cold rays from his fingers.

The androids use their combined skills to find the bomber and render harmless the atomic bomb it had dropped:

In part II (pay no attention to that "The End" caption above), we learn that some hip couple were behind the hypnotism that took control of the SAC bomber. Since their plot has been ruined, they decide to get even with the Fab 4. And they quote a lot of 1960s music lines in the process:


This part also explains the "fantastic transformation into reality" bit. You see, the kids send their minds into the androids. The androids come to the old abandoned opera house where the kids hang out. The hip couple send a bomb there. And the bomb implodes:

As a result, the kids now have the powers that they formerly had to use the androids in order to possess. It's ginch-tastic!

A week later, the teeners have had some time to test and expand their powers. The radio-wave guy (called El by his buddies) has figured out where the hypnotic wave came from. And so the laser/radar guy:

When they get to the theatre, the Mod (our villain) and his gal are giving a concert:

Yeah, I could criticize that song for not rhyming, but it's not like the other publishers of the time did teen exploitation any better--the Kryptonian Krawl, anyone? Anyway, the kids (including the heroes) are all hypnotized to attack the Peace Ministers' Conference. Fortunately, the hypno-wave doesn't work if one is shoved (which seldom happens at a riot):

The Fab 4 quell the mob, and eventually catch the Mod and his girlfriend.

Comments: Painful. About the only thing positive in this effort is the artwork (credited in the book to Sal Trapani, but actually penciled by Bill Fraccio and inked by Trapani per Martin O'Hearn in the comments). The script glosses over all sorts of plot-holes, then maddeningly screeches to a halt so the kids don't walk out of Polly's house dressed in their uniforms. Never mind that earlier it's Tom's house. The story tries too hard by half to be relevant to kids of the time--why Tom even produces a comics fanzine--but fails miserably. It is plain to see why this was the last outing for the Fab 4.

Number 181


The Big Little Hero


Doll Man was a superhero who hung around for a long time, considering how fast some superheroes disappeared after the end of World War II. But then, Doll Man Quarterly, and before that, Feature Comics, where Doll Man appeared, were published by Quality Comics, which had an all-star lineup, good artwork and great distribution. When they went out of business in the 1950s most of their heroes were sold to DC Comics, who went on to great, long-running success with their version of Quality's Blackhawk. Later on they re-introduced characters like Doll Man and even Plastic Man.



This particular story, "The Tiny Terrors," is from Doll Man #6, dated Summer, 1943.

It's drawn by Al Bryant, who does a competent job. Not spectacular like Doll Man creator Lou Fine, but good enough in its own right.

The story itself is kind of a horror story, if you have insect fear. A mad scientist (and there are no other kinds of scientists in comic books), Dr. Dlee, discovers how to make insects big. His plot is to kill all the other humans on the planet. The war, going at the time this story was written, drawn and published, isn't mentioned in the story, but its effects are felt "off-camera." I see Dr. Dlee as having snapped under a form of war psychosis. The mad doc joins a long list of would-be conquerors and destroyers. And, of course it's up to Doll Man to stop him! The side effect to making the insects big is to make them intelligent, and murderous.

This story has one of those illogical comic book run-that-one-by-me-again-wouldja? moments on page 6, where an impossible transition is made. I'll let you spot it for yourself, but when I read it I had to go back and see if I'd missed something in the timeline established by this story. Nope, I didn't.

Doll Man has what I think is the worst name in the history of superhero comics. What boy of the era would be caught dead reading something with the word "doll" in the title? Apparently a lot of them, but maybe they kept their copies hidden so their buddies wouldn't razz them. Doll Man also had a costume that was right out of the Will Eisner/ Lou Fine costume shop. The bare legs and arms, along with the elf-shoes, would probably be OK during the summer, but in winter weather he'd be one cold, shivery little fella. I look at these costumes that Fine designed as somewhat fetishistic. It showed on a cover like Doll Man Quarterly #5, which featured Doll Man in male bondage.

All of that aside, "The Tiny Terrors" story is fast-moving and entertaining. You know, what it's supposed to be.

My copy of Doll Man #6 I got for free from a comics shop owner. It had been seriously mouse-chewed in the upper right corner. Only the last three stories are salvageable, but of course I took it from him, mouse-chewed contents and all. The cover shown above is one I took off the Internet. As longtime Pappy's readers know by now, Pappy's comics collection includes a lot of coverless comics, tear sheets of stories, damaged and unsellable comic books. That's OK, because you are a beneficiary, as I make digital copies to preserve them.